The grief experienced when brothers and sisters in the Lord depart from the faith can be intense and challenging. Yet, if such were not the case concern would be in order. The apostle Paul admonished the Corinthians that they should be "mourning" in reference to a brother involved in sexual immorality (1 Corinthians 5:2). This term for "mourning" is a word that describes the sorrow one would have over the loss of a loved one to death. However, when those to whom we sustain both spiritual and familial responsibilities have left the Lord the dynamic that is created can be multi-faceted and complex. It is critical that we strive to maintain objectivity, discernment and love toward those on whom we may have the most influence. We may ask, "How do I know what to do?" The answer must be a diligent search into the teaching of the scriptures. While there may be areas of personal judgment involved, there are certain biblical principles, which must clearly be upheld.
The Imperative of Accountability
Many people misunderstand that congregational discipline, when practiced scripturally, is not merely for the purpose of exclusion, but it is also for the express purpose of spiritual restoration. Paul wrote, "In the name of our Lord Jesus, when you are assembled, and I with you in spirit, with the power of our Lord Jesus, I have decided to deliver such a one to Satan for the destruction of his flesh, so that his spirit may be saved in the day of the Lord Jesus" (1 Corinthians 5:3, 4). In order for the community of God's people to serve its intended purpose there must be a healthy level of transparency and accountability so as to ensure spiritual growth and maturity.
There can be harm when churches or individuals in the name of love and kindness enable one to continue in sinful conduct. The apostle John discourages the faithful from "bidding God speed," i.e. providing a base of operations for the one who does not "abide in the doctrine of Christ" (2 John 9-11). On a very personal level we are to be careful to not participate in the unfruitful deeds of darkness, but instead we are to expose them (Ephesians 5:11). If we were to continue in a relationship with a loved one who has departed from Christ so as to send the message that the relationship is unchanged conflicting messages may be sent. Biblically, admonitions regarding a social context have spiritual implications. For instance, Peter withdrew from eating with Gentile believers due to the pressure of Judaizing teachers (Galatians 2:12, 13). It was not merely a matter of the consumption of food, but the context of the socialization so far as communicating the concept of spiritual fellowship or lack of such. Whatever decisions we may make toward our loved ones who have departed from the Lord our desire must be for their restoration in the Lord above all else (Matthew 10:22-32).
When one considers the parable of the Prodigal Son in Luke 15:11-32 it is interesting to note the grace and character of the father, who represents God and his forgiveness and love. For instance although he was surely heart broken over his son's foolishness, he was uncompromising regarding righteousness. Even the son knew this was the case or else he would not have gone to the "far country" (Luke 15:13). It is also worthwhile to note that it was when the lost son was receiving "nothing" that he "came to his senses" (Luke 15:16, 17). His father was mercifully concerned but he was not feeding his son's appetites at all costs. Also, when the elder brother was in error, the father did not coddle him out of fear that he might leave when convicted, but he expressed truth in love (Luke 15:28-32). Love pleads without compromise!
Communicate Lovingly
Accountability must be present without hostility or bitterness. We are encouraged to regard one who has fallen away as a "brother" who is to be "admonished," not as an "enemy" (2 Thessalonians 3:15).
We may need to ask ourselves if we are modeling the love of Christ in communicating truth to those with whom we have both a spiritual and familial relationship. We can uphold the teaching of the gospel and also with gentleness correct those who must escape the snare of the devil (2 Timothy 2:24-26). According to First Corinthians 5:11-13 we have a responsibility to a brother or sister that is unique to our relationship as Christians, but how much more of an obligation should we feel to those in our own families who are believers?
Paul encourages the faithful to strive to restore those "overtaken in a fault" in a "spirit of gentleness" with humility (Galatians 6:1, 2). There is no doubt that this can be challenging spiritually and emotionally, but we must take courage in Christ. There are two extremes with which we must be concerned in these difficult scenarios. There are those who do not communicate at all and exhibit a spirit of offense and hostility. On the other hand, there are those who act as though nothing has happened and, thus, there is no communication about the spiritual well being of their own loved one. Both responses are unproductive. An impenitent response by our loved one whom has left the faith may require boundaries to be drawn, but the hope and prayer must be that honest and open communication may take place. If our loved one will not hear us, we must continue to pray for them. We must stand ready to forgive and affirm our fellowship were he or she to repent. This desire must be communicated in our conduct and attitude throughout the process.
Take Advantage of the Opportunity
We may have an opportunity with our loved ones who have left the Lord that no one else will have in the efforts of restoration. Rather than allowing fear to discourage us, let us see the opportunities that may come our way. We must be the anchor of consistency in the lives of those closest and dearest to us. Consider the value and potential for eternal good in restoring others to God. James writes, "My brethren, if any among you strays from the truth and one turns him back, let him know that he who turns a sinner from the error of his way will save his soul from death and will cover a multitude of sins" (James 5:19-20). The fervent love of the brethren may lead us to sacrifice in ways we never imagined possible. This love will not easily give up, but will persevere. It will be a love without hypocrisy, which sincerely upholds a desire for salvation (Romans 12:10-12). Peter summarizes the heart of God's children when he writes, "Above all, keep fervent in your love for one another, because love covers a multitude of sins" (1 Peter 4:8).
- Truth Magazine, September 2016