The Bible reveals that God Almighty established marriage to meet and fulfill mankind's need for companionship, to provide him with moral cohabitation, and thus to furnish the appropriate environment for rearing subsequent generations (see Genesis 2:18-25; 1:26-28; 18:19; 1 Corinthians 7:1-2; Deuteronomy 6:7-9; Psalms 127; Ephesians 6:1-4). Marriage is an honorable and a lifelong arrangement (Genesis 2:24; Matthew 19:4-6; Hebrews 13:4). Those who choose to dishonor it by putting it asunder will answer to the God who ordained it (Hebrews 13:4). Every person who enters marriage is obligated by God to:
Abide by His marriage regulations (Matthew 19:9; 5:32; Romans 7:3; Mark 6:17-18);
Accept the roles and responsibilities marriage obliges us to accept as husbands and wives (Romans 7:2; 1 Corinthians 7:39; Ephesians 5:22-33).
Today, the American view of marriage is very, very different. In the year 2000, 5.5 million Americans were living together outside of marriage, an eleven-fold increase since 1960 (The Broken Hearth, Wm. J. Bennett, 13). More than half of all marriages in our country are now preceded by a period of living together (Ibid.).
After people marry, the picture is just as bleak. The United States has the world's highest divorce rate (The Index of Leading Cultural Indicators, Wm. J. Bennett, 59). Historian Lawrence Stone has assessed divorce to be "as much a part of our culture and our lives as death and taxes" (The Broken Hearth, 13). Currently, one of every two children will witness the breakup of their parents' marriage (Ibid., 12).
The marriage and family life breakdown (which some defend in the name of personal expression, fulfillment, liberation, and happiness) is one of the very reasons our society has so much doubt, uncertainty, sadness, emotional imprisonment, and faithlessness. The promised joy of liberation from the oppression of marriage did not happen.
More than once, people have presented me with their marriage problems and asked, "Can this marriage be saved?" When both parties are fully committed to restoring their marriage to what God wants it to be, it can be saved. Often, the sad truth is that only one person in the marriage wants to work toward its success. Since two cannot walk together unless they are in agreement, such disparity makes it extremely difficult to achieve success (Amos 3:3; cf. Proverbs 19:13; 21:9, 19).
Following are a few things it takes to help make and keep our marriages strong, healthy, and honorable in the sight of God and man.
When there is a problem, make things right with God and with your mate. Neither the husband nor the wife can say he/she has never sinned (Romans 3:23; 1 John 1:8). When sin against a spouse occurs, the sinner needs to confess and repent of it--not defend, excuse, and justify it (Matthew 18:15; 5:23-24; 1 John 1:9). If you sin against your mate, ask God to forgive you, and ask your mate to forgive you. Repent (change your mind) of your sin and act differently (Luke 3:8; Acts 26:20). Being right with God helps establish the common ground needed to solve the problems that arise in marriage.
When both partners share a common faith and want to be right with God, their faith will help them bear the fruit needed to strengthen and sustain their marriage (Galatians 5:22-23). The husband and wife are "Heirs together of the grace of life" (1 Peter 3:7). That is, they share in life's blessings. Therefore, husbands and wives need to focus on sharing life with each other instead of destroying each other with bitter words and evil deeds (1 Peter 3:7; Colossians 3:18-19).
Remember to be merciful and to forgive every sin. Without a doubt, the sins committed against us by those closest to us hurt the worst (cf. Luke 22:61-62). Indeed, the defilement of the marriage bed by one's mate is so awful that the Lord made it the only just cause for putting asunder one's marriage (Matthew 19:6, 9).
Yet, even when fornication results in putting away, the Lord expects the one sinned against to have a forgiving heart (Colossians 3:12-13). Just as the Lord earnestly prayed for the forgiveness of His murderers, every spouse ought to yearn for his mate's salvation (Luke 23:34).
Often, when one marriage partner sins against the other, the sin is not forgiven. (I'm talking about a whole range of sins, not just fornication.) Unforgiven sin becomes a root of bitterness and bears the fruit of resentment, retaliation, and revenge, eventually destroying the marriage (cf. Galatians 5:15). God will not forgive those who fail to show mercy by forgiving when their mates ask to be forgiven (Matthew 18:33-35; 5:7; 6:14-15). Furthermore, that person contributes to the erosion of the marriage, rather than its fortification. This apostolic admonition well applies, "Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, and evil speaking be put away from you, with all malice. And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you." (Ephesians 4:31-32)
Practice genuine love. A thorough understanding and application of 1 Corinthians 13 is in order for marriages to survive and thrive.
Selfishness is at the heart of many broken marriages. The husband is to love his wife as Christ loved the church (devoutly, sacrificially, completely), and the wife is to lovingly submit to her husband as the church submits to Christ (Ephesians 5:22-27). This is where love is applied.
Lack of self-control dooms many marriages. When people indulge every desire, rather than resist every temptation, sin reigns and ruins the home (James 1:12-16; 1 Peter 3:3-7).
The demand to be served by one's mate rather than humbly serving each other drives many marriages into the rocks of destruction (1 Peter 5:5; Ephesians 5:30-33).
Can this marriage be saved? Yes, if both are willing to put God first, forgive one another's sins, and practice real love by putting others ahead of themselves.
Brother Price had done a masterful job of explaining a common problem that preachers face--trying to help solve difficult marriage problems. I've recently been involved in two such cases where people from other congregations have asked for my help in counseling two couples. One common thread I've found in most cases is lack of communication. Marriage is a partnership, and each party must communicate with the other. Some have said that marriage is a 50-50 proposition. This is wrong; for the marriage to be the best it can be, each must give the other 100%.
In order for marriage to be a harmonious relationship, both persons must work at it. Unless there is a constant stream of meaningful communication between the two people, problems will go unresolved. The happiest marriages I know are those where the husband and wife each place the other first in the relationship. Is this not what the Scriptures tell us? "Let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit, but in lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than himself. Let each of you look out not only for his own interests, but also for the interests of others." (Philippians 2:3, 4) Why don't we apply this Biblical truth in our marriages?
Marriage is exactly what people make it. Marriage requires quality time and, to be a good marriage, must be free from any form of selfishness. Marriages that last 50, 60, or more years don't just happen. Two people take their duty, commitment, love, and responsibilities seriously and work on any problems that occur. Such marriages are worthy examples for the younger to consider when seeking godly advice outside the Scriptures. May they ever increase! (KMG)