The domestic qualifications of an elder in the Lord's church have produced more debate among brethren than all the others combined, or so it seems. Many Christian men who might otherwise be qualified are unable to serve because of either a real or a perceived failure in their exercise of authority in the home. And it is this--the experience of exercising proper authority in the home--that is the critical element of the requirements that an elder be a husband and successfully nurture a family.
While many issues related to these home-centered requirements will continue to spawn discussion and result in varied discussions and conclusions at the congregational level, it is critical that we view the home as a microcosm of the local church. The experience a man gains when he righteously leads, teaches, and otherwise shepherds his family prepares him to be able to do the same thing on a larger scale, within the local church. This is the point of the apostle Paul's parenthetical statement in 1 Timothy 3:5: ("For if a man does not know how to rule his own house, how will he take care of the church of God?")
Later, we will touch on some of the collateral issues, but students of the pastoral qualifications will benefit from making the effort to understand the purpose of the qualifications as they relate to the work of an elder.
These domestic qualifications have never been more important than they are in the present generation. Our culture knows nearly nothing about the godly exercise of authority. In fact, authority itself largely is disdained. This disregard for authority, when combined with some of the doctrines of feminism, has resulted in a vacuum in home leadership, or a perversion of God's plan for such.
The popular idea of joint leadership shared by a husband and wife is an oxymoronic misunderstanding of leadership. If a family consists of a husband and a wife, and both are deemed leaders, there is, in reality, no leader. God appointed and decreed that the man (husband) lead in the home (Ephesians 5:22-24).
An Elder Must Be the Husband of One Wife
The apostle declared, in 1 Timothy 3:2 and Titus 1:6, that a bishop must be the husband of one wife. First, this establishes the need for an overseer to be married. Bachelor bishops are not permitted.
This makes clear the folly of the young Mormon men who come to our doors and introduce themselves as elders. They are not old enough to properly be called elders, and most of them also fail to meet the marriage qualification.
This doesn't imply that younger or unmarried Christian men are lesser saints, but simply that they don't possess the maturity or experience needed to serve as elders in God's kingdom.
Again, although today it may be an issue only in Utah, being the husband of one wife certainly excludes a man who is a polygamist. Such a man wouldn't be a faithful Christian in the first place. The idea of the text is literally a one-woman man.
Having made these basic conclusions, let's now think about how being a husband prepares and qualifies a man to be an elder in the local church.
In both roles--husband and elder--a man must learn to lead in a loving way. A Christian husband can't force his wife to obey him by threatening her with bodily harm or other types of intimidation. He is commanded to love his wife just as Christ loved the church and died to bring that body of believers to salvation. He is to love her as his own body, nourishing and cherishing her (Ephesians 5:25-29). Neither can an elder force his will on the congregation.
Both roles require that a man understand his responsibility and accountability for being out front in guiding, teaching, correcting, and exemplifying God's will among those he leads. No man qualifies as a successful husband and father if he leaves the spiritual leadership of his home up to his wife. Yet, it is a sad fact that among God's people, male spiritual leadership in the home has been more the exception than the rule during the past half century.
Godly spiritual leadership isn't easy work. When you can't just order righteous behavior and thinking, you have to spend a lot of time teaching and explaining, exhorting and admonishing, and living the message you are conveying.
When a man has done this well in the home, you have a man with the experience to do the same with his brethren. But when a man thinks his only role in the home is to give orders and bring home the bacon, he becomes a man who, when appointed an elder, thinks he is empowered to arbitrarily enforce his personal opinions and control the church checkbook.
Think about this. When error is being taught in a congregation, or a few brethren are either being tempted to sin or are caught up in it, you don't so much need a church executive committee as you do shepherds. And men learn to be shepherds as they guide their wives and children.
Questions Often Raised
From time to time, difficult questions also arise over the qualification that requires a man to be the husband of one wife.
- If a man's first wife dies and he remarries, does he qualify as the husband of one wife?
This one seems difficult at first, but a little thought resolves the question. If by marrying again after his first wife dies, this man has more than one wife, he is a polygamist, is he not? The fact is, according to Romans 7:1-3, the marriage union or bond lasts only as long as both married partners live. Therefore, when a spouse dies, the marriage ends and the dead person is no longer anyone's spouse. When a man in such a circumstance remarries, he has only one wife. - If a man's first wife committed adultery, and he divorced her and later remarried, is he the husband of one wife?
Again, the logic and principles are similar to those in Question 1. If God permits a divorce--and he does in the case of adultery (Matthew 5:32; 19:9)--then a man is no longer bound to the first woman. If he marries another, he is married to only one woman. If this is not the case, again he is a polygamist, and there is a problem much greater than whether he qualifies to serve as an elder. - If a man is married when the church appoints him to be an elder, but subsequently, his wife dies, does he still qualify to serve as an elder?
This more difficult question is one about which brethren have often disagreed. On the one hand, if we look at the qualification singularly, the man is no longer married and no longer the husband of a wife, as we observed in answering the first question. Thus, from this perspective, he would not be qualified. Brethren sometimes note that having a wife is important in carrying out hospitality and meeting with women who need spiritual counseling.
On the other hand, others see a broader purpose of the qualification in the experience the man gained while leading a wife and home. Her death did not negate that experience, and they conclude that God still approves of his doing the work of an elder.
Congregations must prayerfully examine both of these perspectives and decide whether such a man remains qualified and approved of God to serve as a pastor of the flock.
An Elder Must Be a Successful Father
Again, the basic principles behind this qualification are simple and forthright. The difficulties often lie in the details and collateral questions. The Bible declares that a bishop must be a man who "rules his own house well, having his children in submission with all reverence," (1 Timothy 3:4) and whose children are "not accused of dissipation or insubordination." (Titus 1:6)
The main point of having a mature man exercising authority in the home or the church is so that he can lead those under his guidance to live holy lives of submission to God's precepts.
How can a congregation know whether a man is capable of guiding men and women to live holy lives of submission to God's precepts? The answer: Determine whether he was successful in guiding the people closest to him on this earth--his family.
It is worth reiterating that this isn't an easy task. The fact that a man himself lives a holy and upright life doesn't guarantee that his family will do the same. Just because a man is a Christian who worships every Sunday doesn't mean his children will live right. Righteous living entails more.
Such a man must exercise his authority in the home in a way that teaches and exemplifies truth. He must also use his authority to encourage, as well as warn. And relative to his children in particular, he is to exercise godly discipline for the purpose of restraining sin and impressing the blessings of righteousness.
If a man's children, especially while under his direct supervision, are wild and uncontrolled, it is apparent that he isn't fathering well. Remember, the Lord, through Paul, particularly instructed fathers, not mothers, to "not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord." (Ephesians 6:4) Most commentators emphasize the idea that fathers should not be too harsh in their discipline so as to make their children angry. I'm more inclined to believe that Paul was teaching that lack of proper, fatherly discipline leads to raising children who will one day face the wrath of God because of their undisciplined lives.
An Elder Must Have Faithful Children
Whether it is fair or unfair, no other qualification has received more attention, or become the "choke point" for more congregational appointments than Paul's direction that an elder have "faithful children." (Titus 1:6)
The issue or question entails whether being a successful father means his children must become and remain faithful Christians.
In favor of this conclusion are at least two points.
- First, the word faithful is used nearly universally in Scripture to refer to a person who is faithful to God and, therefore, in terms of the New Testament, a Christian. The American Standard Version translates the phrase as "having children that believe," and the Revised Standard and New Revised Standard versions translate it "whose children are believers."
- Second, since the job of an elder is to spiritually shepherd the flock of God to continued faithful service and to help draw the unsaved to Christ, having done so in his immediate family demonstrates the skills and qualities needed for the work of a pastor.
But the contrary view also has at least two points in its favor.
- First, the requirement of faithful children expressed in Titus 1:6 is accompanied by the phrase "not accused of dissipation and insubordination." The faithful-children phrase is not included in the parallel list of qualifications found in 1 Timothy 3:4, which speaks only of the man having his "children in submission with all reverence." Therefore, some have concluded that both passages are speaking of the man's children being faithful to him and his leadership, rather than faithful to God.
- Second, this view acknowledges that a father can't obey the gospel for his children or be ultimately responsible for their behavior once they leave the rule of his home. Most Christians are aware of at least one situation where children who were raised correctly and in God's ways never obeyed the gospel or later left the faith. In fact, the Scriptures direct children who marry to "leave father and mother" and to establish their own homes (Genesis 2:24; Matthew 19:5). The father no longer has the same authority over them as he had before. Is he still accountable?
Undoubtedly, brethren will continue to debate over which position is the correct one; so again, prayerful study is demanded.
How Many Children?
Whether we discuss faithful children or simply children, the question of how many a man must have often arises.
First, does the use of the plural word children mean that, in order to qualify as a shepherd, a man must have more than one child? One position avers that the use of the plural term demands a plurality of children.
The opposite view argues that the focus is on the man's ability to guide and train those under his authority, not his ability to reproduce prolifically. And, while the plural form is used in Titus, we can cite Scripture examples where the plural word is used simply to express the idea of one's offspring and not number. Genesis 21:7 is a good example. Sarah is there quoted as saying, "Who would have said to Abraham that Sarah would nurse children? For I have borne him a son in his old age." Sarah bore only one child; yet, she used the term children.
If we assume that this refers to Christian children, and a potential elder has four children, of whom three are Christians and one is not, does he have faithful children?
Some brethren say all his children must be faithful. However, the word all isn't used in the text. On the other hand, if the assumption that a man needs to have led his children to Christ to be qualified as an elder is correct, he would be a doubtful candidate if only one of his four children is a faithful Christian.
Conclusions
If you didn't realize previously why the domestic prerequisites for an elder are the subject of so much study and debate, perhaps you do now. This neither means that we should give up on understanding what the Lord meant, nor that we must cave in to the loudest defenders of the narrowest interpretations.
It does mean that we must prayerfully and carefully study everything the Bible says about this subject. It also means we must earnestly desire to submit to God's will (John 7:17).
On some of the more controversial matters here explored, I've purposely not expressed my personal convictions, but sought to explain the foundations upon which good brethren have reached different conclusions.
Now it's your turn. May God bless our efforts to do His will.
Next: Look for a man who is morally watchful, self-controlled and sensible.
Brother Blackaby has tackled some of the more controversial issues concerning the qualifications of elders. Personally, I feel that we've given too much time and effort to these domestic qualifications, at the expense of the others. Please don't misunderstand. Every elder must meet EVERY qualification that the Bible gives for elders. But is a man who marries only once and has four faithful children better qualified than one who has four faithful children, and after 15 years, one of them falls away. Or is he better qualified than the man whose wife dies and he remarries another faithful Christian woman? It seems to me that such thinking binds personal opinion as law. Sadly, many churches have been robbed of good men who would have made capable elders.
Some years ago, in a 16-week class on the subjects of elders, I learned what I had suspected for a long while-many brethren have elder standards that no man can attain. There are no perfect men, but there are mature, God-fearing men who desire to shepherd God's people.
Could it be that some churches don't want to appoint elders because the members wish to continue having a voice in the business meetings? Brethren need to remember that elders are part of the Lord's perfect design for leadership in the local church. Did He lay out qualifications that are unattainable? If so, then God gave a law that was impossible for us to keep. Aside from being absurd, this is also demeaning to God's perfect wisdom. Please carefully study these articles, along with the Scriptures, and make sure you are not one of the voices that cry loudly whenever a man comes before the church to be appointed to the office of Bishop. May the tribe of godly elders increase. (KMG)