Many Christians know the ache in David's heart when he wept for his rebellious son, saying: "O my son Absalom, my son, my son, Absalom! Would I had died for thee, O Absa1om, my son!" (2 Samuel 18:33) David went aside by himself and wept bitter tears.
Many Christians know the bitterness of such tears, the helplessness that David must have felt, the burden of regret and sorrow. One of the most terrible feelings known to a Christians is that felt when a beloved son or daughter turns his or her back on Christ and becomes unfaithful. Words are inadequate to describe the broken hearts.
This series of "letters" describes some of the feelings that parents have when their children reject God. They do not pertain to any one family; rather, they project a composite family drawn from numerous experiences. Hopefully, parents will use these articles to open the doors of young people's hearts to the tender love of Christ and remind them of their parents' love. They are also an appeal to our young people who have forgotten the most important lesson they will ever learn--"Love God and keep His commandments."
We urge you to use these letters to reach out to your wayward children and gently remind them that the only true happiness is found in serving God. It is our prayer that even one might be restored, as was the Prodigal Son in Luke 15:33: "This my son was dead, and is alive again; he was lost, and is found."
The First Letter
"My dear child, I don't know if you will ever see this or read it, but there is such a burden on my heart that I must attempt to put it into words. Some time has passed since you have worshiped faithfully, and you no longer seem to care about God and His will. The Lord's church does not seem to be important to you, and as the months pass, your interest in spiritual matters seems to grow ever colder. As we think on these things, your mother and I are filled with a sense of sorrow that is more than we can express. You are the most precious thing to us in this life, and we know we are losing you to Satan. Will you take the time to read this letter that is written with a love that forces us to speak, even when hope is weak?
How can we tell you how we felt when you were born? It seems ridiculous now to think of you as ever being so tiny and helpless, when you have grown so tall and are making your own way in the world as an adult. Yet, there you were, just born, and we held you with such love and tenderness, for you seemed so fragile. At that time we could never imagine the years would pass so quickly. All those old folks' stories about time going so fast are really true. It seems like only yesterday that heaven sent you to us. There was such a mixture of emotions when we first saw you! You were a person, yet an extension of us. We were awed when we realized that God sent you into our keeping to shape and mold, and we had such good intentions. Believe me, you were really loved and tenderly cared for. We so much wanted to be good parents.
Somewhere between that blessed event and today, some terrible mistakes have been made. I suppose there is enough guilt to pass around to everyone--ourselves, you, society, the schools, the church. But I can speak only for myself when I say that I feel a terrible burden of failure when I see you turn your back on God. I am responsible for what I did, and for what I failed to do. Does it help at all to say that everything I did was well-intentioned?
All along, I assumed that you would know this and overlook my mistakes, because I loved you and wanted you to be the very best you could be. Most importantly, I assumed that you would want to be a Christian. And this is my biggest failure.
I remember teaching you to sing 'Jesus Loves Me' at home. You really enjoyed singing when you were young. You toddled off to Bible classes and brought us the work sheets when you learned to print 'Jesus loves me' by yourself. Do you remember any of this? What are your earliest recollections? We tried so hard, along with visits to the zoo and playing in the water and working in the yard, to plant a love for God in your heart. Do you remember your first prayers at the dinner table? Do you remember playing with the children of other Christians and the enjoyable visits we had with our good friends in the church? These were good times, and we were truly happy as we watched you grow. These memories seem so bittersweet now that things have changed so much. It is true that we cannot go back to them, but just remembering means so much to us. I wish I could know how much of these things you remember. I wish I could know if such memories mean as much to you, or if you have shelved them away somewhere.
Since I cannot say all that I want to say now, I will write again. As I close this letter, I want to ask a favor of you. Will you search your memory to see how much God was a part of your early life? Wasn't He more than just 'going to church,' or 'getting your Bible lesson'? Didn't you truly love God when you were young? We thought you did, and we were so proud of you. In those years, you were all that we hoped you would be. We thanked God for you and for the pleasure you brought to us. It is our prayer that you will recall those early memories of the love you had for God and think about it until you hear again from,"
Second Letter
"My dear child: Memories and emotions are such powerful forces. When I wrote to you the last time, I mentioned some of my memories of your childhood. I don't know how that affected you, but it had a tremendous effect on me. Just speaking of these things intensifies my desire to see you restored to fellowship with God. You were so happy then, and I wish for you to feel this same happiness once more.
Indulge me just a little more and see if you can remember when you were baptized. Since religion is no more an important part of your life, I am interested to know if you recall the sincerity with which you expressed to me, a desire to obey your Lord by being baptized. I remember talking with you, since you were a little young, I thought. You reminded me that people were taught to be baptized when they knew they were sinners, and that you knew you had done things that were wrong and believed that you were lost. You said that you wanted to go to heaven when you died and knew baptism to be right. Your mother and I realized that this had to be your decision and were proud of you. We have the date marked down somewhere. It is indelibly printed on our minds. But can you remember your feelings then? Surely you must have loved God and had faith in Him at that moment in your life. You were not pressured into being baptized; it was never a matter of force. You came seeking to do God's will and seemed to do it gladly. I am wondering what importance you put on this even now. It was a great event for us then, and it remains so to this day. For us, it meant that you were a part of Christ's kingdom, a member of His church. Your sins were washed away, and as much as anything, it seemed that you were taking the initiative in living right. No one pushed you into baptism; it was something you wanted to do. Do you have regrets about it now? If you had it to do over again, would you be so eager to be right with God?
Can you imagine how your mother and I felt when you served us the Lord's Supper the first time as you 'waited on the table'? You seemed so small up in front of the congregation with the grown men, and you were nervous. You were afraid you would drop the plates, remember? But I knew you could do it, and you did. You were dressed so neatly in your suit and were so sincere in doing everything right that I wanted to burst with happiness.
Even as a young teenager, you were everything we wanted you to be. Sure, we had some discipline problems...you were a boy, weren't you? There were some disappointments along the way, but the total of your life was good and decent and right. We never missed worship services. We never missed gospel meetings. You even led singing in some of the training classes and in the assembly a number of times. You led prayers and led the prayer at the table at home. Did we ever tell you how proud we were? Maybe this was the beginning of some major mistakes. We assumed you knew how we felt and how proud we were. If we failed in this, please accept our apologies. We just knew that you understood how we felt. But maybe we took too much for granted.
I feel also that I was too busy with work during this time and didn't spend enough time doing everyday things with you. We were together in the evenings and on weekends as we worshiped together, but maybe I should have gone fishing with you more, or showed you how to use tools...just anything to keep a close relationship. Because it was sometime during these .early teenage years that you must have begun to develop an interest outside the home and church that has made such a change in your values. I have spent many hours looking back, trying to analyze just where I could have used more wisdom, could have spent more time with you. It bothered me when you began to have more and more friends outside the church, but I thought it would be a passing thing. You had always done what was right before, and I believed you would keep on doing what was right. But, if I can put my finger on a period in your life when you began to change, it is right here. Your interest turned away from home and the church as you began to make friends in the world.
When I write to you again, I would like to talk to you about the beginning of troubles with you at home. I do not bring these up to stir old animosities but to analyze, to search, to seek for answers. I still see in you the possibility of right living. I still hope for you a heavenly home. So please bear with me as I speak of things that are painful to both of us. Sometimes a bitter dose of medicine can bring about wonderful healing. If opening my heart to you, however painful it may be, can help bring you closer to God, it is well worth it. May God grant you life and health both here and hereafter."
Third Letter
"As I closed my last letter to you, I mentioned that we would discuss some things that were painful to us. I speak especially of myself. Writing to you like this does open some memories that were better buried. Up until now I have mentioned the pride that I felt in you, the joy you brought your mother and me, and our anticipation that you would continue to do the same as you grew older. I don't know how you feel about some of the things I will mention, but as I put them into words, I wonder at how life changed for us.
As you know, my father is not a Christian. As far back as I can know, none of my people on my father's side were Christians. So when I learned the truth and determined to live right, I hoped to establish a new order of things, from myself into the future with this family.
Being right with God is so good! It explains so many things in this world and lifts our eyes to life everlasting. It is such a joy to be a Christian that it destroys me to know you don't have this conviction. If I fail to pass along this faith in Christ to you, and to your sons and daughters after you, I will have failed miserably in the most important thing in this life. Can you imagine the intensity of this feeling in me? Can you realize how it saddens me to see you unconcerned about eternal life? Do you understand how much I feel a failure if you do not see the beauty of Christ and His truth?
When I first learned that you drank beer, I cried. Oh, you denied it, but we both knew you were lying. You had been slipping around for some time and smoking. And you had friends whom you would not bring home with you. I'm sure that it was because you knew they would not fit into your lifestyle and would be uncomfortable. Remember the discussions we had about how late you could stay out at night? Even now I cringe when I think of the bitter words that have been exchanged between us. I felt that you had rebelled against our values, and you felt that we were being too strict. We still stand somewhere at odds on this issue.
I find a great deal of resentment against modern music and the role it has played in alienating the youth in this country from good morals. I feel that this one thing, immoral and rebellion-instilling music, became the encouragement you needed to overcome the values you were taught as a child. In the lyrics of the music, as well as the all-pervading beat of the unrestricted license it preaches, you found an ally that did not restrict, did not hold back. In fact, it actually encouraged you to 'do your own thing,' to 'let yourself go.'
It was during this time that you almost did not finish school and did so only because we forced you to go. It was during this time that I became aware of the fact that you expressed resentment against 'going to church.' It was during this time that I became aware of the fact that you resented me and any restrictions placed on your actions--what you did, where you went, and who you were with. Long hair became a symbol of your frustration and identified you with the crowd. Drugs became a constant fear to parents around the country. I don't know to this day how much they figured in your alienation from us, and I don't care to know. That all of this formed a pattern of rejection of God is evident. Of course, some children went too far and were killed. Some ruined their minds. We are thankful that such was never true with you. But these things, all added together, created a lifestyle so different from that in which you were raised that it still makes me dizzy to think about it. How could such a thing have happened? What could I have done differently to help you avoid being caught in this ungodly environment? How much of it do you see in its true light even now?
The Bible teaches that there is a way that is right and cannot be wrong. This way is the way of truth and holiness. Look around you at the marriages that are ruined by divorce, lives that are destroyed by alcohol and drugs, hopes that are destroyed by sin, and souls that are turned away from God. Is this the way you have been taught? Is this the way you have been brought up? Isn't there a better life than that which you see about you in the world and among the friends you have chosen?
You have told us that people in the church have insulted you and that some of them are hypocrites and that some of them are a little abnormal about the world in which we live. I won't argue that point. I have known some of this in my life too.
I have been insulted, known hypocrites, and have seen some abnormal people, maybe even a little weird. But I find these at the supermarket (and have been insulted there), and I find these everywhere I shop. But I have also learned that there are good people in the church--honest, God-fearing, loving, hard-working people who love one another unselfishly. I know a bunch of Christians who make mistakes. I am one of them. But look at the alternative. What if everyone drank, smoked pot, had no morals and did only what brought them physical pleasure? What kind of world would this be?
I've been true to my word. I've talked of things that are painful. But in doing so, I wanted to try to picture two lifestyles. Both of them are filled with error. The difference between the man in the world and the man in the church is that we who are trying to be Christians are trying to learn from our mistakes, to get forgiveness for them, and to do better in the future. One lifestyle has pleasure in this world as its only goal. The lifestyle of the Christian has heaven as its goal. This is not to say that Christians have no pleasure here, but that our pleasure brings no regrets and no hangovers.
One final word before closing this letter, no hypocrite in the church is going to keep me away from Jesus. After all, He wasn't a hypocrite, and He is the one I serve. And the one I hope you will start to serve again."
Brother Roberts had done an excellent job of dealing with a difficult subject. When I was younger, I always believed that Proverbs 22:6 was an absolute truth-a way to ensure that my children would always be faithful. "Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it." Further study and experience have taught me such is not the case.
Our children do not inherit our faith, conviction, or commitment to God. Individual Christians must work to develop those qualities in their own lives. Yes, we can teach the children right from wrong, teach them about God, bring them to worship services and gospel meetings, read the Bible with them at home, and pray with them. The world and Satan still get a shot at them. As parents, all we can do is set the proper foundation, live a life that is consistent with the things we teach them, talk with them, and pray long and often for their spiritual well-being.
Why do so many young Christians seem to drift back into the world and leave the church and God all together? If I knew the answer to that question, I would write a book and become famous. What I can offer is my own personal observations and experiences in my life and work as a preacher.
One of the fatal mistakes parents often make is assuming that their children will have the same type of faith and commitment they do-just because they bring them to worship services. Parents, your children are not you! Your child must believe in God because of his own faith-not because of yours. He must want to obey God to please Him, not you. Children must study God's word, learn the truth, and place their trust and faith in Him-not their parents. Faith is a personal journey for each person.
Parents, take time to listen to your children. Watch the friends they choose, and most of all, be their father and mother. Don't try to be their best friend-that will come in time. Children need good spiritual instruction, and parents should provide that. We will plant the seed, and we know God will give the increase (1 Corinthians 3:6-8). (KMG)