How Many Dads?
By Larry Curry

Two boys on a street corner in Hollywood were overheard discussing their families. One said, "I got three moms by my last dad, and two dads by my last mom."

Whether true or not, the preceding conversation demonstrates how life is for many. It used to be that divorce was something we expected in Hollywood, on the screen and among the stars, but we were shocked when it happened in our neighborhoods and families. Since the end of WWII, the divorce rate has skyrocketed. During the days of the Roman Empire, Seneca said, "They divorce in order to marry, and marry in order to divorce." This statement seems equally true in today's America. We are going to explore a few reasons for the alarming divorce rate and the devastating effect it has had on our families.

"God Hates Divorce"

The above words are from Malachi 2:16 in the New American Standard Version. Israel became unfaithful to God (Malachi 2:11), and eventually, God put her away. Keep in mind that Israel had become guilty of "spiritual adultery," and, because of that, God divorced her. This lesson from Israel's history shows us the true concept of divorce as permitted by God. Remember that Jesus gave only one reason for divorcing one's spouse and marrying another. That one reason is fornication, which means any illicit sexual conduct (adultery, homosexuality, and bestiality). (Matthew 19:9) Under the Old Testament law, all illicit sexual conduct was punishable by death.

Knowing God's attitude toward divorce, we want to explore some of the common reasons many use for divorcing.

  1. No-Fault Divorce. In recent years, in many states, this has become the fast, cheap way to obtain a divorce. It isn't necessary to present a real cause to the judge, just a petition to the court to dissolve the marriage. In Las Vegas, you can go to a drive-up window and obtain a divorce in a matter of minutes. The very name used to describe this kind of divorce rules out any possibility of it being Scriptural. Jesus said there must be a cause and, in fact, that cause can only be fornication (Matthew 19:9). If everyone followed this law, there would be fewer divorces.

  2. Irreconcilable Differences. What this generally means is that one, or both, parties has decided to give up. After years of effort, the marriage has reached the point where the problems seem insurmountable. Each party may have some legitimate complaints about the other, but divorce is not the answer. They need to communicate more and apply the qualities of love. Why are the differences irreconcilable? Mainly because one or the other is unwilling to make any effort to better the relationship (1 Corinthians 13:4-7). The marriage bond is permanent. Again, we see that there is no Scriptural basis for dissolving the marriage.

  3. Mental Cruelty. This one, like the previous one, is a certain indication that the marriage has problems. Angry words can wound deeply. We must give thought to what we say and how we say it (Colossians 4:6). Husbands are commanded to love their wives, and wives are to love their husbands (Ephesians 5:25, 28, 33; Titus 2:4). Patience, love, and understanding could salvage many marriages. Regardless of the circumstances that exist in a marriage, this is not a justifiable reason for getting a divorce.

  4. Annulment. Perhaps you are thinking that I have left the subject of divorce. Not really. Annulment of a marriage, by authority of the Catholic Church, is nothing more than a divorce under a different name. Sadly, some brethren have begun to accept annulment as Scriptural divorce. There is no Scriptural basis for such an action. In spite of the fact that the number of annulments has increased, fornication remains the only Scriptural cause for divorce and remarriage.

  5. Divorce Without Remarrying. There are some who advocate that the sin would be in marrying another after divorcing for a cause other than adultery. They fail to see that sin is committed whether one chooses to remarry or not. Those who divorce without proper cause fail to see that man cannot put asunder what God has joined (Matthew 19:6). There is the matter of breaking a vow (Ecclesiastes 5:5). Unfortunately, brethren forget they made a sacred vow and entered into a covenant with the person they married. Remember those promises you made to each other, before God and all those present? How can one take such a vow, and make such promises, and then not faithfully carry out that to which he or she agreed? Sadly, those who hold to this teaching weaken the covenant of marriage.

Other reasons could be presented and discussed, but, hopefully, these will suffice for now. Marriages fail because people fail in their responsibilities to one another. When two people enter into marriage with the determination to make it work, there is a good chance that it will last. However, if viewed as a humanly devised relationship, it is doomed.

We must instruct our children about marriage, as God wants it to be. He alone knows what is best for us in all of life's circumstances. Godliness is profitable, not only for eternity's sake, but also for this life. Why do we continue to refuse God's way and bring suffering on our children and ourselves?

Brother Curry has, of course, touched on a problem that has plagued the Lord's church for many decades, and continues to do so. There are two reasons why this is true:

Children are the victims of divorce. Pain, anguish, heartache, and problems follow children who come from broken homes. Could it be that two people are so selfish that when there is no Scriptural cause for ending a marriage, one or the other places his/her desires ahead of duty to God, mate, and the children? The world doesn't see the importance of these matters, but God's people should. Let us remember that emotional situations don't change one fact of truth contained in the Scriptures. There is good reason why God hates DIVORCE. My prayer is that God's people hate it just as much and will faithfully work out their problems instead of running away from them. (KMG)


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