Absalom desired to be king. He attempted to steal the kingdom and the hearts of the people away from his father, David (2 Samuel 15:6). Absalom rebelled against God, and he eventually waged war against his father (2 Samuel 17-18). In Hebron, he declared himself to be king and marched on Jerusalem.
Not willing to have Jerusalem destroyed and the people killed, David fled over the Mount of Olives as the people threw rocks at him, spat at him, and cursed him (cf. 2 Samuel 16:6,13). With his friends, he crossed over the river Jordan to Mahanaiam. As the battle ensued, David said to his captains, "Deal gently for my sake with the young man, even with Absalom." (2 Samuel 18:5) David knew he needed a victory, but his heart went out to his son Absalom who was leading the rebellion against him.
When the fighting ended, David received word that his forces had prevailed. David was not really concerned about the nature of the battle, or even the success that had been had in the field. His burning question was, "What about my son?" "Is it well with the young man Absalom?" Upon learning of his son's death, "the king was much moved, and went up to the chamber over the gate, and wept: and as he went, thus he said, O my son Absalom, my son, my son Absalom! Would I had died for thee, O Absalom, my son, my son." (2 Samuel 18:33)
The wisdom writer spoke of the pain felt by one whose child has left the Lord.
"He that begetteth a fool (doeth it) to his sorrow; and the father of a fool hath no joy." (Proverbs 17:21)
"A foolish son is a grief to his father, and bitterness to her that bare him." (Proverbs 17:25)
David's experience with his son Absalom reveals a graphic picture of the grief felt by a father whose son will not return home.
When a child goes astray, sometimes it is the parents' fault; and sometimes it is not. In Absalom's case, the fault was partially David's. David's grief was especially sharp. His sin with Bathsheba had made him weak and had destroyed the respect, not only of the heathen, but most certainly of his family (2 Samuel 11:1ff; 12:10ff). This hindered him from exercising the kind of discipline over his family that he should have.
- He had failed to deal with his son Amnon when Amnon raped his half sister.
- Then when Absalom killed Amnon, David failed to deal appropriately with Absalom.
Numerous sins that David committed early in life contributed to Absalom's disastrous end. In his despair he cried, "O my son Absalom, my son, my son Absalom! Would I had died for thee, O Absalom, my son, my son." Though now, in his old age, he was willing to die for Absalom, in his youth, he had not prepared himself to be a proper father.
"Is it well with the young man...?" To properly answer this question, one must learn how to be a proper parent. Much of it begins with preparation. Though Zacharias and Elizabeth were both well stricken in years and had no child, they were prepared to teach potential children.
"There was in the days of Herod, king of Judaea, a certain priest named Zacharias, of the course of Abijah: and he had a wife of the daughters of Aaron, and her name was Elisabeth. And they were both righteous before God, walking in all the commandments and ordinances of the Lord blameless." (Luke 1:5-6)
"Know how" is necessary for success (cf. 1 Timothy 3:5). Regarding the qualifications of elders, Paul said, "one that ruleth well his own house, having (his) children in subjection with all gravity; (but if a man knoweth not how to rule his own house, how shall he take care of the church of God?)"
How many, in their youth, plan to become good parents by properly preparing themselves for this tremendous task? The Bible is the best textbook to be found. Knowledge of God's word and respect for His law will guide us in fulfilling our commitment to being good parents, and in our other commitments to life's good endeavors.
"Is it well with the young man...?" One's commitment to marriage and to God as the founder of the family helps to provide an answer to this question. In His infinite wisdom, God saw that it was not good for the man to be alone, and He made for him a suitable companion. Man and woman ideally meet one another's needs. God instructed them to "be fruitful and multiply." (Genesis 1:28) It was then in the divine plan for all time that a man should "Leave father and mother and shall cleave unto his wife and they shall become one flesh." (Genesis 2:24)
God ordained this union, and man is not to "put asunder what God hath joined together." (Matthew 19:6) Each mate should be alert to saying and doing those things which, when done, will afford his marriage partner the mature company and conversation to which he/she is entitled (Proverbs 31:10-12,27; Colossians 3:18,19; Ephesians 5:21-33; 1 Corinthians 7:3-5). Each partner finds emotional security in the other's love and attention. Neither provokes the other to jealousy, nor constantly threatens to end the marriage (Colossians 3:19). I know of no surer guarantee for our children's physical, emotional, and spiritual safety than having parents whose hearts are filled with respect for Christ's authority.
"Is it well with the young man...?" A man who is concerned about his children will understand early that he must crucify self. "I have been crucified with Christ; and it is no longer I that live, but Christ living in me: and that (life) which I now live in the flesh I live in faith, (the faith) which is in the Son of God, who loved me, and gave himself up for me." (Galatians 2:20) David had demonstrated times of selfishness and hypocrisy; these were detrimental to Absalom's character.
"Is it well with the young man...?" It is no mystery that crime is at an all-time high and that schools have difficulty with rebellious students. Even churches are plagued with unauthorized practices when parents neglect to teach their children respect for God's authority.
Respect for authority begins in the home. Parents are instructed to teach their children to obey (Ephesians 6:1,4). Sometimes, that involves using the rod of correction (Proverbs 13:24; 19:18; 22:15; 23:13; 29:15). Please note what was to be done to a rebellious son who lived under Moses' Law (Deuteronomy 21:18ff). Unfortunately, many parents are inconsistent in their teaching; they operate according to the principle, "Do as I say, not as I do." Our children are more perceptive than we think they are. They see our inconsistencies, and they learn from our examples.
Indeed, David was partially to blame for the tragedy of Absalom's life and death.
David said unto God, "Wash me thoroughly from mine iniquity, and cleanse me from my sin. For I know my transgressions; and my sin is ever before me." (Psalm 51:2-3) Indeed, the many consequences of David's sins lingered throughout his children's lifetimes (2 Samuel 12:10-12).
We, too, are responsible for teaching our children, both verbally and by example, but WHAT are we teaching them? "Is it well with the young man...?" Certainly, the results will become evident in the next generation.
In the words of Helen M. Young, from the poem "Children Won't Wait" "...I will not exchange this birthright for a mess of pottage called social position, or business or professional reputation, or a pay check. An hour of concern today may save years of heartache tomorrow. The house will wait, the dishes will wait, the new room can wait, but children won't wait. May I know that no other career is so precious, no other work so rewarding, no other task too urgent. May I not defer it nor neglect it, but by thy Spirit accept it gladly, joyously, and by Thy grace realize that the time is short and my time is now. For children WON'T wait."
Brother Galloway has written about a very important subject-raising our children. Sadly, many parents are too busy and too wrapped up in their own lives to consider the lives of those whom they bring into the world. A child is one of God's special blessings. But each child is also an awesome responsibility to which we need to soberly, seriously, and prayerfully give our time, energy, and constant attention. Children left to "raise themselves" seldom escape life's harsh, cruel lessons.
I would like to add one last point to this article. The fact that we are Christians doesn't necessarily mean our children will turn out the right way. Taking them to church on Sunday and Wednesday, helping them get their Bible lessons ready, and making sure they behave during the services isn't nearly enough. Children need Christian parents who not only take them to church, but also live godly lives before them every day. Our children learn more by what they observe us doing in everyday life than they learn from what we tell them. The lessons that stick and make an impression are those that the child observes the parent putting into action. Unpracticed Christianity is a useless tool for shaping our children's minds.
Raising godly children is difficult, hard, demanding, and time-consuming work! God knew that it would take both a mother and a father, working together, on the same page, and praying for God's help to get the job done. Our children need nothing more than they need parents who have supreme love for their souls and who endeavor to shape them around the principles and teachings in God's word. Children are very intelligent-they can easily spot a phony.
Dear reader, if we who are parents don't take our religion and duties to God seriously, do we really expect that, in spite of us, our children will? Honestly speaking, I'm certain those parents who love their children's souls more than they want always to please them and make them happy will see the best results. What kind of parent are you? (KMG)