Family Love
By Micky Galloway

God founded the family. In His infinite wisdom, God saw that it was not good for the man to be alone, and He made for him a suitable companion. Man and woman are ideally suited to meet one another's needs. God instructed them to "be fruitful and multiply." (Genesis 1:28) It was then in God's divine plan for all time, that a man should "Leave father and mother and shall cleave unto his wife and they shall become one flesh." (Genesis 2:24) God ordained this union, and He instructed that man should not "put asunder what God hath joined together." (Matthew 19:6) Failure to create and maintain an atmosphere of love is a primary hindrance to the family.

Love cannot be taken for granted. Love does not just happen; infatuation may. If love is to grow, it demands time, nurturing, and just plain hard work to keep it alive. This is especially true in this modern chaotic, pressure-driven world. The "wear and tear" of the reality of daily living can do much to destroy a loving atmosphere. Immaturity (which is often evidenced by an uncontrolled temper), selfishness (which seeks its own happiness at the expense of the happiness of others), and other childish things must be put away (1 Corinthians 13:11).

An atmosphere of love produces a feeling of stability and security that is worth more than all the riches of time. To be loved is to be wanted. Who can measure the happiness of the child, wife, or husband who is comforted by a secure, wanted feeling? This kind of love will preclude violent domestic scenes. No sight imaginable is sadder than the shocked, frightened look in the eyes of a child who is forced to witness an ugly quarrel between his parents. What a moment of dark despair... when his whole world rocks about him. Whatever luxury of which you may have to deprive your child, if you spare him such a terrifying experience, he is still one of the more fortunate.

MAN'S ROLE
Man is to love his wife as Christ also loved the church (Ephesians 5:22-33). The husband who establishes his love for his wife and family engenders, on the part of that family, respect that recognizes his headship. He is to "nourish" and "cherish" his wife. Colossians 3:19 says, "Husbands, love your wives, and be not bitter against them." In the beginning, God said, "Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh." (Genesis 2:24) The idea expressed by "cleave unto" conveys a oneness unlike any other relationship excepting Christ and the church. The love required involves cherishing the wife, as well as promoting her good, happiness, and total welfare. "Be not bitter against her" directs husbands to have the same love and care for their wives during the most trying circumstances as they do during pleasant and easy circumstances. Patience must prevail, and exasperation must never be allowed to reach the point of bitterness.

In 1 Peter 3:7, the apostle wrote, "Ye husbands, in like manner, dwell with (your wives) according to knowledge, giving honor unto the woman, as unto the weaker vessel, as being also joint heirs of the grace of life; to the end that your prayers be not hindered."

Please note that:

Fathers are to love, train, and discipline their children. (Ephesians 6:4; Colossians 3:21) Consider, "He that spareth the rod hateth his son; but he that loveth him chasteneth him betimes. Chasten thy son while there is hope, and let not thy soul spare for his crying." (Proverbs 13:24; 19:18) This implies that, while he is young, a child may be brought into proper subjection; but there may come a time, if correction is withheld, that all hope for his character is gone (cf Hebrews 12:5-8,11).

WOMAN'S ROLE
Older women are instructed to teach younger women to "love their husbands and to love their children." (Titus 2:4; Ephesians 5:23) The woman has an important role. "Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favor of the Lord." (Proverbs 18:22) Genesis. 2:18-24 indicates that woman was created to be a help meet (suitable) to man. Behind the many men who do great work are caring, loving wives who quietly aid and encourage them. On the other hand... "It is better to dwell in the corner of the housetop, than with a contentious woman in a wide house." (Proverbs 21:9) Nagging will kill a happy home. A Godly, worthy woman, however, "...openeth her mouth with wisdom; and the law of kindness is on her tongue."(Proverbs 31:26)

The importance of woman's role is seen in the relationship she sustains with her children. Timothy's father was a Greek (Acts 16: 1), but Timothy's mother and grandmother planted the seeds of faith in young Timothy (cf. 2 Timothy 1:5). Indeed, the hand that rocks the cradle rules the world, AND everything wrong with this country is not in Washington. To a great degree, both the church and the state get just what the homes send them.

CHILD'S ROLE
Children are to love, honor, and respect their parents (Psalm 127:3-5; Ephesians 6:2-3; cf. 1 Timothy 5:4; Matthew 15:4-6). The Lord intended for children to be great blessings. "Happy is the man that hath his quiver full of them." Children are described as "arrows in the hands of a mighty man." Arrows must be carefully formed, shaped, and aimed so that they can be shot straight from the bow. Parents are to nurture and chasten their children and bring them up in the admonition of the Lord (Ephesians 6:4), but "...A child left to himself causeth shame to his mother." (Proverbs 29:15)

In the home, the child's role is a role of subjection. "Children, obey your parents in all things, for this is well pleasing unto the Lord." (Colossians 3:20) "My Son, keep thy father's commandment, and forsake not the law of thy mother." (Proverbs 6:20) "Disobedience to parents" is one of the many sins Paul listed (Romans 1:30). In Ephesians 6:1, Paul summed up the entire matter when he wrote: "Children, obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right." A child must learn to obey BECAUSE THE PARENT SAYS SO. Proverbs 15:5 says, "A fool despiseth his father's correction; but he that regardeth reproof getteth prudence." And children, do not forget to learn to work. Lamentations 3:27 says, "It is good for a man that he bears the yoke in his youth."

If family members love one another as God has instructed, there will not be a shortage of respect for the various roles He ordained. This respect bears evidence of our love for God. Jesus said, "If ye love me, ye will keep my commandments." (John 14:15)

God, as author of the family, has instructed that husbands are to "love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself up for it." (Ephesians 5:25) Wives are to be taught to "love their husbands, to love their children..." (Titus 2:4) Indeed, love has certain identifiable attributes that can be taught, learned, and implemented. This love will also provide the forbearance needed as a saving quality when disturbances threaten the home's future security.

In 1 Corinthians 13:4-7, the apostle Paul discussed the attributes of love that could solve the problems existing in the troubled church at Corinth. There were contentions and strife among the Corinthian brethren; there were suspicions and jealousies. There was unkind judging, the manifestation of improper motives, and selfishness; there was envy, pride, and boasting, all of which were inconsistent with love. Paul attempted to correct these things and to show them what cultivating the attributes of love could produce. All of the characteristics mentioned are ways in which to demonstrate love in our relationships with one another. They especially apply to the family.

Love suffers long. It is slow to anger or show passion, patient (Hebrews 10:36; James 5:11), forbearing, and willing to endure wrong. This means overcoming the natural impulse to exhibit displeasure, even when it is justified (Ephesians. 4:1-3; cf. 1 Peter 2:23; Colossians 3:12-13). Here we observe a state of mind that can endure trials when oppression comes. The churches at Ephesus and Thyatira demonstrated this quality (cf. Revelation 2:2-3; 18-19).

Love is kind. Kindness denotes good nature, gentleness, tenderness, and affection. Love is not harsh, sour, or ill-natured. It exercises politeness and courtesy. Paul said, "Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamor, and railing, be put away from you, with all malice: and be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving each other, even as God also in Christ forgave you." (Ephesians 4:31-32)

Love does not envy. Envy and jealousy are related. To envy is to feel uneasy, or discontent, at the result of another's accomplishment; whether it be learning, wealth, beauty, reputation, or success. Envy was especially noticeable among the Corinthians because they were contending over their respective spiritual gifts. Proverbs 14:30 says, "Envy is the rottenness of the bones." Paul lists envyings among the works of the flesh (Galatians 5: 19) and says that "They who practice such things shall not inherit the kingdom of God." Peter said, we should "Put away... all malice and all guile and hypocrisies and envies, and all evil speaking..." (1 Peter 2:1)

Love vaunteth not itself. It does not thrust itself forward, or take the higher seats in the synagogue (cf. Luke 14:7-11), "parading one's superiority before others." Here, the thought expressed is of boasting or vaunting one's own excellencies or endowments. In Romans 1:30, Paul listed boasting among a number of sins and said those who practice such things are worthy of death. They who love others are not disposed to boast of their own qualities as being superior to theirs. Boasting is of no account in feeding the hungry, clothing the naked, comforting the sick and afflicted, or saving the world. The man who does the most good is the least likely to boast, and the man who boasts is often regarded as doing nothing but boast.

Love is not puffed up. This is an inflated opinion of one's self. Paul said, "For I say, through the grace that was given me, to every man that is among you, not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think; but so to think as to think soberly, according as God hath dealt to each man a measure of faith." (Romans 12:3) My beloved Mother, in describing some folks like this, says: "I'd like to buy him for what he's worth and sell him for what he thinks he's worth." This quality of love differs from vaunting ones self in that it deals with the very feeling of pride and self-esteem. Pride and vanity are so ugly. Proverbs 16:5 says, "Every one that is proud in heart is an abomination to the Lord."

Love does not behave itself unseemly. Love causes us to conduct ourselves properly, honorably, and above reproach. The one who loves is careful to avoid every form of evil. How great it would be if all Christians would manifest this one characteristic of love, especially as it pertains to language, morals, dress, improper allusions, and implications.

Love seeketh not her own. One who has the proper love for God and for others IS NOT SELFISH. A Christian does not live for just himself; he looks to the good and happiness of others. 1 Corinthians 1:24 says, "Let no man seek his own, but each his neighbor's good." Philippians 2:2-4 says, "Look not every man on his own things, but every man also on the things of others." Seek the welfare of others; exercise self-denial, personal sacrifice, and toil. Wouldn't that solve a lot of problems?

Love is not easily provoked. Love is not easily offended, not easily excited to anger. One who possesses this characteristic is slow to anger, or wrath (cf. James 1:19). A consciousness of God's presence goes a long way toward producing this characteristic.

Love thinketh no evil. It does not surmise evil and put the worst construction on the acts of others. Love does not attribute evil motives to others. This means we ought to put the best possible construction on the motives and conduct of others. One who loves as he should will not be malicious or disposed to the wicked habit of finding fault.

Love rejoiceth not in iniquity. We ought not to rejoice over the faults of others. Wicked men often find pleasure in finding others' faults and rejoice when others fall into sin and disgrace and ruin (cf. Romans 1:28-32). Samuel mourned over Saul after he committed sin, and Paul mourned over his Jewish kinsmen who remained yet in their sins (1 Samuel 15; Romans 9:1-3; 10:1).

Love rejoiceth in the truth. (cf. 2 John 4; cf. Ephesians 4:15: 3 John 12) Truth stands opposed to iniquity. The wisdom writer said, in Proverbs 17:15, "He that justifieth the wicked and he that condemneth the righteous. Both of them alike are an abomination to Jehovah." Do not rejoice in your brother's error, but rejoice in his virtues. How much better it would be if Christians would restrain themselves from finding others' faults and circulating reports that are little more than malicious gossip (James 3:5ff).

Love beareth all things. Love covers all things, even my brother's faults. "Love covereth a multitude of sins." (1 Peter 4:8) This does not advocate a cover-up of sins committed, but endorses pursuing the prescribed course of action to bring about the sinner's repentance and forgiveness (cf. Matthew 18:15ff; cf. 1 Peter 4:7-8).

Love believeth all things... hopeth all things. These two are related. Hope is based on faith (Hebrews 11:1), and faith comes by hearing (Romans 10:17); therefore, we should believe everything declared by God.

Love endureth all things. It bears up and does not murmur. Philippians 2:12-14 says, "So then, my beloved, even as ye have always obeyed, not as in my presence only, but now much more in my absence, work out your own salvation with fear and trembling; for it is God who worketh in you both to will and to work, for his good pleasure. Do all things without murmurings and questionings."

Love never fails. Wouldn't this be a grand conclusion to the problems that often exist in the marriage and family relationships. Perhaps we would do well to learn these attributes of love and cultivate them in our own families.


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