It is my duty, not only as a preacher, but as a Christian who is also your friend, to warn you concerning dangers or hazards that put you and your soul in jeopardy (Ezekiel 3:17-21; Acts 20:31). I've always appreciated those who have given me advice, especially soul-saving advice. The book of Proverbs is dedicated to wise instruction. "A wise man will hear and increase learning, and a man of understanding will attain wise counsel" (Proverbs 1:5). "The way of a fool is right in his own eyes, but he who heeds counsel is wise" (Proverbs 12:15). This article is my effort to spare you the pain, sorrow, and regret that can result from marrying a non-Christian.

I can still hear the voice of a precious young woman who, while agonizing over her despicable husband, said to me, "Tim, if only I had been a Christian and heard your preaching, I would have known better than to marry a non-Christian." This woman became a Christian after she married. She could only wish for a believing husband. This was also true of the Corinthians in 1 Corinthians 7. Many, after they were converted, found themselves married to nonbelievers and realized the oddity of the situation. A faithful Christian who is thinking clearly would never place himself in this dilemma. The Corinthians recognized their horrible predicament. The apostle Paul told them that this was not, however, a reason to divorce (1 Corinthians 7:12,13). They were to remain with their mates (1 Corinthians 7:20,24). This is consistent with our Lord's teaching that sexual immorality is the only reason for divorce (Matthew 19:9).

I'm writing to warn you of the danger before you place yourself in a situation you cannot change and will only regret. Once married, you are married for life (1 Corinthians 7:39). Only death brings liberty. To me, nothing could be more enslaving than having a mate who does not share a common salvation (Jude 3). Let me tell you why.

Matthew 6:24 says, "No one can serve two masters; for either he will hate the one and love the other, or else he will be loyal to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve God and mammon." A Christian serves the Lord as the master of his life. A wife faces a real dilemma when she reads Jesus' teaching in Ephesians 5:22 concerning the roles of husband and wife: "Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord." If there is ever a time when she is caught between a rock and a hard place, this is it. Her master is Christ, but it is her husband, who does not serve or love Christ, to whom she must endeavor to submit "as to the Lord." Do you see the problem? We know, of course, who must come first (Acts 5:29). She may have to go against her husband's wishes to serve the Lord. This can result in an unhealthy, troublesome marriage. Time and again, I've seen godly women whose husbands challenged them to disobey God. The wife is hindered at every turn. No wonder, for her mate is a nonbeliever, and God is not his master. The Christian who dares to marry (a life-long commitment) a nonbeliever whose master is not the Lord can expect trouble from his/her father-in-law (Satan).

It naturally follows that one who does not recognize Christ as his master does not follow the will of Christ. I remember a non-Christian's wife who was embarrassed because her husband watched the Playboy channel. Think what she had to endure. What's to stop that mate from drinking, cursing, smoking, neglecting, and all-around worldliness? He feels no need, as you do, to submit to Christ. I've witnessed, broken-heartedly, Christian women struggling to "keep it together" with non-Christian mates. Imagine, if you can, the animosity a non-Christian might feel toward his wife as she strives to live righteously. He may resent her and feel embarrassed by her high morals and standard of living. Possibly, he will chastise her, mock her, ridicule her, and try to cause her to fall. He may not wish to live with a wife who makes him look bad or reminds him that he is a sinner. Jesus tells us this is why we are persecuted. Do you want to live that way? Do you want to bring persecution and hardship into your own home? (John 3:19-21, Ephesians 5:11). A woman once told me her husband looked for opportunities to "pick away at her," discourage her, and then say, "Now what kind of Christian are you?"

All of this is intended to dishearten, discourage the spirit, and weaken the faith of the godly mate. Sadly, many Christians become so weakened by their unbelieving husbands or wives that they fall away. They join the likes of those they should never have married. Marriage should be a coming together of two people who have all things in common. It's highly unlikely that a Christian and a non-Christian have all things in common. The most important issues in the marriage will be uncommon. The Bible teaches Christians that "Christ is our life" (Colossians 3:4). Paul said "to live is Christ and to die is gain" (Philippians 1:21). And in another verse: "I have been crucified with Christ; it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me; and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself for me." (Galatians 2:20)

Think about it. If our God cannot fellowship us in darkness, then how can we join ourselves to those who practice darkness? (1 John 1:5,6) Our fellowship should be with saints, other Christians. Also, our paths will be in different directions. Amos said, "Can two walk together, unless they are agreed?" (Amos 3:3) Can you raise your children "in the nurture and admonition of the Lord"? It can be very difficult when only one mate believes. The children may be torn between staying home with Daddy and going to worship with Mommy, or vice versa. Again, I've seen this happen many times and seen children raised half "as the nation of Ashdod," and half as children of God.

In Grant B. Caldwell's excellent book entitled "The Home: God's First Great Institution," he wrote, on pages 40 and 41, of a survey conducted by a preacher at a congregation in Oklahoma. This preacher surveyed 79 Christians who married non-Christians: 57 left the church; 22 remained faithful; and 25 divorced. But consider this: Of 64 Christians who married Christians, only 5 left the church; 59 remained faithful; and only 2 divorced. The facts speak louder than words.

Friends and loved ones, don't bring untold harm and misery upon yourselves by marrying nonbelievers. If there is such a thing as an "unequally yoked marriage," it would be the marriage of a believer to an unbeliever. "Do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers. For what fellowship has righteousness with lawlessness? And what communion has light with darkness?" (2 Corinthians 6:14) If we can't fellowship them in their sinful ways, how can we marry them?

Listen to me, I plead with you. Don't marry an unbeliever! Yes, you can date an unbeliever and work diligently to convert your friend, but if you see in time that your friend does not want to serve God as you do, part immediately, and don't pursue it any further. God must come first in your life. Please don't be "duped" into thinking that you can convert them after you marry. It may happen, but if it doesn't, you have made the worst mistake of your life, for life. The wife I chose had to be a Christian. We have all things in common, and I could not be happier. We share a common walk through life. The mind of Christ is in both of us. We think the same way, worship the same God, and strive to serve the same Master. We are raising our children to love God and keep his commandments, and they, in turn, have the wonderful hope of heaven. My aim, and my wife's aim, is to help one another get to heaven. Make sure you marry someone who believes as you do and who shares your spiritual goals.

Brother McPherson has discussed a very difficult subject. Tim is an excellent Bible student and a very close friend of mine. I wish to make one comment about his article. The reference of 2 Corinthians 6:14-17 has nothing to do with marriage. While I understand the principle, what Tim is discussing is not the subject matter of the text in 2 Corinthians 6. All scripture must reconcile. How would we reconcile Paul's teaching in 1 Corinthians 7:12-15 with the teaching in 2 Corinthians 6? Paul said to stay with the believer, but if marrying an unbeliever is sinful, we have no recourse but to leave the marriage. While marrying a non-Christian shows poor judgment and can lead to all the things Tim discussed--it is not sinful! (KMG)