Proverbs 17:21 and 25 speaks of the pain felt by a parent whose child leaves the Lord. "He that begetteth a fool (doeth it) to his sorrow; and the father of a fool hath no joy... A foolish son is a grief to his father, and bitterness to her that bare him." Some of the greatest pain must be that felt by the parent whose child is away from the Lord. The parent doesn't know where the child is, or what it may be doing.

There is no more graphic expression of the prodigal who does not return home than that found in 2 Samuel 18. David's son Absalom competed with his father for the throne. He built a following, pronounced himself king in Hebron, and marched on Jerusalem. David, not willing to see Jerusalem destroyed, and its people killed, fled over the Mount of Olives, with people throwing rocks, spiting, and cursing at him. He and his friends crossed the river Jordan over to Mahanaim. When the battle ensued, David told his captains, "Deal gently for my sake with the young man, even with Absalom" (vs. 5). David knew he needed to win. Some had to die, but his heart went out to his son Absalom who led the rebellion against him. When the battle ended, word came that David's forces had won; but David was not really concerned about the battle or even about his army's victory. He asked, "What about my son? (Cf. 2 Samuel 18:31ff.) David grieved over his son's death, "Would God, I had died for thee, Oh Absalom, my son." Perhaps you have unfaithful children, and you, like David, say, "Would I had died for thee, my son, my son."

Several reasons why young people go astray, rebel, and leave home:

• Sometimes, their homes are so bad they can't stay. Inconsistent or unreasonable discipline may cause them to leave. Parents must learn the difference between abuse and the rod of correction (Proverbs 22:15; Cf. Proverbs 29:15, 17).
• Sometimes, children leave because of chaos and confusion, bitterness between husband and wife, between children, between parents and children.
• Perhaps the home is a good home that will not tolerate drugs and alcohol, immorality, homosexuality, pregnancy, or other unacceptable choices the children make.

Sometimes it is the parents' fault; sometimes it is not. In David's case, the fault was partially his. David's sin with Bathsheba weakened him and destroyed the respect, not only of the heathen, but also of his family. This hindered him from exercising the proper kind of discipline over his family.

Common, often-immediate, reactions felt when children leave home.

1. Anxiety-Where is he? What is he doing? Is he in danger?
2. Anger-Anger toward the child when the parent realizes how ungrateful he is. Perhaps anger is directed toward a companion who has influenced the child to leave home.
3. Despair-There is no hope that the situation will improve.
4. Embarrassment-What will I say when others ask? Guy Greenfield in his book, The Wounded Parent, says, "You may experience a variety of emotions when your child seriously disappoints you by his or her behavior: anger, disgust, sadness, fear, surprise, grief, remorse, resentment, aggressiveness, embarrassment, shame, guilt, self pity and hurt."

There may even be long-range reactions. One may withdraw into a shell, while others develop resentment toward other parents whose children are faithful, and toward children who are obedient. Strain often develops between parents; each tends to blame the other for the child's departure. Often, the other children are neglected; and they may wonder if the parents really love them.

What can I do if my child goes astray? Accept the fact that you may not be responsible. If my child goes astray, it will be in spite of me, not because of me! (David was, at least, partly responsible!) Some of the best people in the Bible had rebellious children:

• Adam and Eve had a Cain, as well as an Abel and a Seth.
• Isaac had Esau who was a grief to his father and mother.
• Hezekiah, one of the best kings in Judah's history, had a son who was the very worst king.
• Josiah, a good king, had three sons and a grandson who rebelled against God.

Remember, our children often face other influences over which we have no control (1 Corinthians 15: 33). Also, every individual has a free will (Cf. Ezekiel 18:20). Parents cannot program their children. "Not the very best training of the very wisest parents in the world can possibly secure goodness and wisdom in their children." (Pulpit Commentary) There remains the element of individuality, individual choice of one's own course. The Scriptures teach, "A wise son (heareth) his father's instruction; But a scoffer heareth not rebuke... A fool despiseth his father's correction; But he that regardeth reproof getteth prudence... A wise son maketh a glad father; But a foolish man despiseth his mother (Proverbs 13:1; 15:5,20). Parents may lead children to the truth, but children must choose whether to obey.

What about Proverbs 22:6? "Train up a child in the way he should go and even when he is old, he will not depart from it." This is a proverb, a general truth, not an absolute. There are exceptions to proverbs. Consider these:

• Proverbs 10:4 "He becometh poor that worketh with a slack hand; But the hand of the diligent maketh rich." Was Jesus rich or poor? Did he have a slack hand?
• Proverbs 10:27 "The fear of Jehovah prolongeth days; But the years of the wicked shall be shortened." Jesus' days were short. Was he wicked?
• Proverbs 16:7 "When a man's ways please Jehovah, He maketh even his enemies to be at peace with him." Jesus' enemies were not at peace with him. Did he please the Lord?

What else can you do? Don't despair and don't give up. There are many forces at work in that child's life; one of them might bring him home. His early training does mean something (Cf. Proverbs 22:6). Do not discount prayer (James. 5:16). Give place to God's providence. Remember, the pigpen did not bring the prodigal son home (Luke 15); it was his memory of his father's house. This father was firm. He didn't beg his son to stay. Tough love seeks the child's well-being. He allowed his son to suffer the consequences of his own decisions. But, when the prodigal returned home in repentance, his father received him. He was unselfish and meek. He could have set rigid conditions upon which he would receive him. This father made himself vulnerable. Who knew whether or not the boy would steal his possessions? He was willing to forgive. Sometimes, whether or not a prodigal returns home depends on what he expects if he does.

What can I do when the prodigal won't return? Some do not. Absalom never came home. Don't allow your sorrow to hinder your service to God. There is a time to weep; there is a time to laugh; a time to mourn (Cf. Ecclesiastes3:1ff). We can dwell on our sorrow to the extent that we hurt others (Cf. 2 Samuel 19:5ff). Continual complaining drives people away. Others--other children, the church, those who have similar experiences, the lost--need you. God grieves (cf. Isaiah 1:2ff) when prodigals go astray, but he does not give up. We must remain active. There is no place to quit! There is work to do. Some say, "I can't do that. I can't face other people." Now, you've become the prodigal. What your child did to you, you are doing to God. God wants us all to serve him. By sacrificing His Son, He made it possible for us to return to Him. God loves us. Let us not spurn that love.