About this time last year, a friend of mine went to work for his landlord as a physical laborer. It was hot, exhausting work. My friend couldn't drive yet, so one of the other workers would take him home. He would jump into the huge truck he owned, and race back to my friend's house, swearing and listening to music my friend didn't really care for. One day, on the way home, the coworker mentioned attending church in a neighboring town, and my friend thought, "Yeah, right buddy! Just take me home."
My friend and I talked about the incident and wondered how his parents had disciplined him. Or whether they hadn't! Then we reminisced about our childhoods. I remember the first time I used a profane word. I was at my grandmother's house, and almost immediately, I was leaning over the kitchen sink with my mouth around a bar of Ivory that was trying to reach my back molars! Any other time my friend or I got into trouble, a parent would quickly discipline us. After our punishment though, we both remembered the adults saying, "we're doing this because we love you." We would look at them with a confused expression on our faces. Inflicting pain on your children is an expression of love? We learned later that correction must happen, and sometimes it hurts. It didn't happen because our parents hated us, or because they were sick and enjoyed seeing their hands turn red from spanking us! They did it because they didn't want to see us flying down the road at 90 miles an hour, swearing, and listening to inappropriate songs. I'm glad I learned the lesson!
Now, what was that all about? Why am I putting these details of my childhood in this article? Let me tell you one more quick story that might help you understand.
A young man was at a convention with a friend. They were sitting at their table, eating and joking with one another, when the second boy lost interest in the conversation as his eyes wandered to another table. The first boy followed the other's line of sight until he noticed the same very attractive teenage girl his friend was noticing. They both turned away quickly and, for a moment, looked at each other. "I wish she weren't dressed like that. It's making it hard for me to concentrate, and besides, she's my sister in Christ." The first friend looked up with determination. "You're right!" He said, "she is our sister. Because she's my sister, and because I care about her, I'm going to talk to her about her dress." And he did! He walked up to a strange girl, and simply said. "Hi! I know you don't know me, but my friend and I are sitting at that other table over there. We couldn't help but notice that you're a very attractive young lady. We were wondering, are you a Christian?" She politely said she was, probably thinking she would be asked out. "I'm glad you are! I think it's partly my responsibility to explain to you that the way you're dressed is making it hard for your brothers in Christ to look at you. When girls dress like this, it's hard to speak with them without thinking impure thoughts. Besides, there are ways to demonstrate how beautiful you are without wearing something like this!" The girl was totally shocked, but the young man had spoken the truth in love, as he should have. This is a true story!
So, do you understand where I'm going with this yet? Because I love you, I want to explain something to some of my brothers and sisters. Hear me out before you reach a conclusion about what I'm about to say.
First, brothers: do you realize that you are supposed to be protective of the young ladies here at church? How do you respond when guys drool over your fleshly sister, or do you notice yet? For those of you who don't have sisters, what about your moms? Plug any female in your life into the equation. Does it bother you? You know what they're thinking when they stare like that. Now, make sure you're not staring and then, to the best of your ability, try to keep the others from doing so. This is called showing love, guys! It's called being an accountability partner! Put in the most basic terms, it's called being Christlike, being a Christian! It's not that those fleeting thoughts are wrong in the proper place! God put those thoughts and desires there. But they are not to be fed outside of marriage. Hebrews 13:4; 1 Corinthians 6:18.
Now, sisters: are you doing your best not to give others reason to stare? What are you wearing? I know it's hot in the summer! I even know it's hard not being able to dress like some of your friends at school. I know all about that. I also know some other things. I know what guys think when a girl's stomach shows because her top doesn't stay down. I know what guys think when a girl is totally covered, but her shirt or pants are so tight that they leave little to the imagination. I know what goes through a guy's head when you attend services wearing skirts too far above the kneecap, or when you wear a slit skirt or dress. Again, that kind of dress should be reserved for your future husband! Only your husband should look at you in the way encouraged by these types of clothes.
Now, do you understand why I mentioned my parents, after a serious talk, or some kind of punishment, telling me they loved me? We have to solve this problem! Some of the things mentioned in this article have actually happened. These principles don't apply just when we walk into a church building. They apply to what we wear to the store, to school, to work, to potlucks in the park, or to a sporting event.
I love all of my family in Christ. I pray that we're better able to discern what is and is not appropriate to wear. I also hope that we keep looking out for each other as we need to. "I desire therefore that the men pray everywhere, lifting up holy hands, without wrath and doubting; in like manner also, that the women adorn themselves in modest apparel, with propriety and moderation, not with braided hair or gold or pearls or costly clothing, but, which is proper for women professing godliness, with good works." {1 Timothy 2:8-10}
"Do not let your adornment be merely outward-arranging the hair, wearing gold, or putting on fine apparel-rather let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God." {1 Peter 3:3,4}
Jeremy is studying to become a gospel preacher. I hope our readers will note that this wasn't written by some old "fuddy-duddy" but by a member of the younger generation. Could any of our young ladies, or even some of the older ones, be approached about the same problem-- their dress? In the Bible, the majority of passages dealing with lust are directed to the man. The majority of the passages dealing with dress are directed toward women. Wonder why? Men are turned on by what they see ten times faster than women are. Ladies, we need to be careful how we dress; and men, we need to be careful what we look at! A final thought--would any of us who are husbands want other men to look at our wives with impure thoughts? What about our daughters? What about our sons? Think about it. --KG