The death of a local church does not come suddenly. Neither is a home destroyed overnight. A home's destruction usually results from certain fatal steps taken over a lengthy period of time. As we travel the road that leads to a home's breakup, let us examine how our careless conduct can ultimately destroy the strength of the local church. Years ago, someone said "not everything that is wrong with our country is in Washington..." Well, not everything wrong with the church is visible when the church comes together. Many of the problems that affect the church begin in our homes! In these days, when so many homes are crumbling, we would do well to examine our marital relationships to see how weaknesses that exist there are adversely affecting our service to the Lord and hindering the strength of the church.

1. Selfishness. This is probably the number-one enemy of a happy home life, and it is also a killer of the local church. Each person does his own thing. Neither is willing to give up what he wants to do and submit to the will of the other. Each seeks his own satisfaction in material realms and in secular activities, with little concern for the satisfaction of others. The apostle Paul prefaced his statements regarding the husband/wife relationship with the words "Giving thanks always for all things in the name of our lord Jesus Christ to God, even the Father; subjecting yourselves one to another in the fear of Christ" (Ephesians 5:20-21). Consider also these words: "Doing nothing through faction or through vainglory, but in lowliness of mind each counting other better than himself; not looking each of you to his own things, but each of you also to the things of others" (Philippians 2:3-4). Wouldn't that solve a lot of ills in the family and in the church? When Paul described Timothy, he said: "For I have no man likeminded, who will care truly for your state." Ladies, wouldn't you like to be married to someone like that? However, notice the contrast in the next verse. "For they all seek their own, not the things of Jesus Christ" (Philippians 2:20-21). Many times, the thing that causes problems in our marriages is the same thing that causes problems in the church. Jesus said, "If any man would come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow me" (Matthew 16:24). Could it be that if I am not happily married, the problem is my relationship to the Lord? Maybe, if both marriage partners learned to submit to the Lord, it would go a long way toward helping them submit to each other!

2. Disillusionment. Often, before marriage, expectations are just not realistic. After we are married for a while, we begin to see in our companions faults that we did not notice during our courtships. These faults magnify to the point where they become nagging sources of irritation. When it becomes intolerable, each decides that he made a terrible mistake when he chose a marriage partner. Sometimes, before becoming a Christian, we have false concepts about what a Christian is. Jesus spoke of counting the cost of discipleship: "If any man cometh unto me, and hateth not his own father, and mother, and wife, and children, and brethren, and sisters, yea, and his own life also, he cannot be my disciple ... whosoever he be of you that renounceth not all that he hath, he cannot be my disciple" (Luke 14:25-35). Many are glad to become Christians if it means "social activities" or club-like memberships, but then we learn there is work and responsibility involved. Many go in with "rose-colored" glasses, not realizing that being a Christian is real work.

Indeed, I make a commitment that requires me to give myself to the Lord before all others; then I look for faults with the church. "And not only as we had hoped, but they first gave themselves to the Lord, and then to us by the will of God" (2 Corinthians 8:5). Perhaps it is the realization that "not everyone that saith unto me Lord, Lord, shall enter the kingdom of heaven; but he that doeth the will of My Father who is in heaven" (Matthew 7:21). Upon reflection, I find this "too narrow" (Matthew 7:13,14) to include those I want to include. Then "faults" with the church seem to be magnified to the point of intolerability, and we decide we've made a terrible mistake.

3. End of faithfulness. No further efforts are made to build a happy home. Communication ceases; love fades and gives way to bitterness. We find ourselves merely housekeeping and no longer enjoying and fulfilling the God-given purpose of marriage. This, too, extends into our feelings toward the church. Having developed a selfish attitude, we explain, "I just don't get anything out of it anymore." The faults I find have now become intolerable, and I make no effort to build up the church by my own personal faithfulness. I no longer support the Bible classes. I no longer attend gospel meetings or other special functions designed for edification. I do not want to talk with fellow Christians, and my love for them and the Lord gives way to bitterness. I find myself merely housekeeping for the Lord and no longer experiencing the joy of being a Christian. As adultery invades the home, destroying my relationship with my spouse, so spiritual adultery destroys our relationship with the Lord and robs the church of its most valuable assets...its members.

You see, the same thing--sin--destroys both the home and the church! But not just the sin of unfaithfulness. Selfishness, failure to count the cost, intolerance, lack of love, bitterness, etc., all lead to this unfortunate end. Sin destroys from the inside out. If we would preserve the happiness of our homes, and secure the success of the church, we must strive to exclude sin from our lives. If you want to help strengthen the church for the future (and for your children), begin in your home! "But seek ye first the kingdom and His righteousness...(Matthew 6:33).

In this timely article, my good friend and brother hit the nail on the head. So many do not appreciate what they have until they no longer have it. So many spouses take each other for granted. Never working to truly take the time to nurture this important relationship with which God has blessed us. "For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body. Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her." {Ephesians 5:23-25} Do you think there is a reason why the apostle Paul compared the relationship between Christ and His bride, the church, to the marriage relationship? There's a very good reason. Can you see Christ doing anything without considering how it would affect His bride, the church? Could you picture Christ mistreating His bride? Why? He loves her. If we can see this, why don't we take more care in our marriages?

Yes, we need brethren who are concerned about their home lives. By taking the proper steps in maintaining godly homes we are also taking great strides in securing the future of the Lord's church. Do we even take the time to thank God for these wonderful blessings God has provided for us in the marriage relationship? ---KG