Blessed are the grumblers, for theirs is the kingdom of crankdom.

Blessed are they who mumble, for they shall cause many to stumble.

Blessed are the moaners and groaners, for they shall moan and groan with me forever.

Blessed are they who sow strife, for they shall never reap eternal life.

Blessed are they who persecute the righteous, for theirs is the delight of the devil.

Blessed are they who divide over human opinion, for they shall inherit my eternal dominion.

Blessed is the tongue that lies, for it is the one that forever dies.

Blessed are they who hunger and thirst after gossip to be heard, for they shall be all ears to me and my word.

Blessed are the shirkers, for they are my best workers.

Blessed are they who whine, for they shall not be His, but mine.

Blessed are they who unforgiving stew, for they shall be unforgiven, too.

Blessed are the hard-hearted, for they shall never depart from me.

Blessed are they who walk in anger's path, for they shall dwell with me in eternal wrath.

Blessed are they who, of the godly, make sport, for they shall be beautiful, like a wart.

Blessed are they who on truth cast doubt, for they with me, shall be cast out.

Blessed are they who murmur and dispute, for theirs is the kingdom of ill repute.

Blessed are they who must have their own way, for they shall never see that eternal day.

Blessed are they who in anger rage, for they shall receive my eternal wage.

Blessed are the haughty, for they shall abide with the naughty.

Blessed is the local grouch, for I have him in my universal pouch.

Blessed are they who cause tribulation, for they shall reap everlasting damnation.

Blessed are they who truth do compromise, for they shall share in my eternal demise.

Blessed is the peacebreaker, for he shall never see the Peacemaker.

Blessed are they who hate these beatitudes, for they know they represent their attitudes.