What are we to do when a loved one is making a terrible mistake? We often feel helpless as we must stand on the sidelines and watch the approaching disaster unfold before our eyes. Is there anything we can do? Does the Bible help us with such situations?
Jesus gives us a pattern to follow in the words He spoke to Peter on the night He was betrayed. “And the Lord said, ‘Simon, Simon! Indeed, Satan has asked for you, that he may sift you as wheat. But I have prayed for you, that your faith should not fail; and when you have returned to Me, strengthen your brethren’” (Luke 22:31-32). Notice the things we can do.
1. Warn Them. Peter did not know the severity of the trial that awaited him. The Lord did, so He warned Peter. Those who see dangers that lie ahead are duty bound to warn others (Acts 20:31). Older brethren know about the pitfalls of life. Those who are not emotionally involved in situations can often see and think more clearly than those who are involved.
Warning those we care about is an act of love (Rev. 3:19), but these warnings will not always be appreciated. They can be received as wounds (Prov. 27:6) and as a slap in the face (Ps. 141:5). Giving such warnings is never easy, but it is better than living with the regret of having done nothing.
2. Respect Their Free Will. Adults have the right to make their own decisions, even our grown children.
We all enjoy free will from God. He warns us in His word, then allows us to make our own decisions. Sometimes these decisions please God, but other times they grieve His heart. Either way, God allows us to make these decisions.
The same is true for us. We can give advice, warnings, wisdom, and a good example to those we love, but in the end, they have the freedom to make their own choices. This free will has the potential to grieve our hearts, but it is part of living with free will.
3. Pray for Them. Jesus let Peter know that He had prayed for him. After we have warned and encouraged our loved one, there is still something we can do – we can pray. Pray for them to make the right decision. Pray they will come to their senses and repent (Luke 15:17). Pray the consequences of their error will be minimal. Pray God will give you wisdom and peace during your heartache (1 Pet. 5:6-7; Phil. 4:6-7). Remember, there is power in prayer. “The effective, fervent prayer of a righteous man avails much” (James 5:16).
4. Remember - Satan is the Real Enemy. Jesus correctly identified Satan as the culprit in the matter regarding Peter’s failure. Satan loves to destroy God’s people. If he cannot do so through a direct assault on us, he will use our loved ones.
It is only natural to project our pain and anger upon the individual who is causing us to hurt. We must rise above this temptation and have the presence of mind to see Satan’s evil hand involved in such situations. Unfortunately, he is able to trap people into doing his bidding (2 Tim. 2:26). Sometimes these trapped individuals are our dear loved ones.
5. Anticipate Their Return. Jesus warned Peter, told him He was praying for him, foretold his failure – but anticipated his repentance. The Lord stated beforehand that He was willing to receive him back.
Why would we pray for our loved ones if we did not anticipate their repentance? Hope is a powerful thing, and as long as our loved ones have life – we have hope (2 Pet. 2:9). The father of the prodigal watched for his son to return. When he did, the father ran to him, and when he heard his son confess his sin, the father welcomed him back into his home with celebration, “for this my son was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found” (Luke 15:24).
Conclusion. The day may come when we must watch helplessly as a loved one makes a terrible decision. It will likely be one of the greatest burdens we must bear, but the statement made to Peter by the Lord gives us help in bearing the burden.