Forgiveness is what the gospel of Christ is all about. We can't undo our sins; therefore, forgiveness is the only remedy. It is apparent that each individual needs to be forgiven; yet, it is often difficult to learn to forgive others.

When God forgives us, He forgets forever our past sins and does not hold us accountable for those sins of which we have repented (1 John 1:9). God's forgiveness is an act of grace, unearned and undeserved. When God forgives, it restores our relationship with Him. Human forgiveness must follow the same pattern. Jesus taught, "But if you do not forgive men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses."

Forgiving someone is not merely forgetting the harm that person has caused you. It is not just letting the pain fade over time. Nor is it making excuses for the sinner's sin. It doesn't require you to pretend nothing happened. Rather, forgiveness is an internal process that involves your choosing to give up your right to get even (vengeance) with the person who harmed you. It involves overcoming feelings of resentment toward that person (Romans 12:17-21).

Forgiveness relieves two people of their burdens. The sinner who repents is no longer held accountable; and the one sinned against is freed from the anger, frustration, sadness, pain, contempt, and other negative feelings that resulted from the sin.

Steps to Forgiveness

1. It is not wrong to be angry when someone sins against you or to experience frustration and sadness. In fact, we must experience these emotions before we realize we need to forgive. But we can't hold on to that anger (Ephesians 4:26).
   
   
2. It is also necessary to identify the specific sin. Sometimes we are merely dealing with hurt feelings or misunderstandings, instead of sin. I must identify the sin before I can confront my brother or sister (Matthew 18: 15).
   
   
3. We must choose to forgive. You must want to change the way you feel about the person who harmed you. Though your negative emotions may be justified, you must choose not to act upon them in a negative or vengeful way. You choose to let go of the resentment, pain, and anger that resulted from the sin (Ephesians 4:31-32). Will this be difficult at times? Most certainly! But, we must consider how much and how often God has forgiven us.

Forgiveness Before Repentance?

Brethren have long debated whether we can or should forgive those who have not repented or asked our forgiveness. Luke 17:4 teaches that we should forgive as often as our brother repents. 1 John 1:9 indicates that God is faithful to forgive whenever we confess our sins.

But there must be in each Christian a spirit of forgiveness, a desire for reconciliation, and a willingness to treat even the unrepentant sinner in a kind and loving way that will help bring about repentance (Romans 12:17-21). Some people call this forgiveness. They say they choose to forgive even the person who has not yet repented. Others see this as love or a "forgiving disposition" that lays the groundwork for repentance and forgiveness.

However, we term it, Christians must be willing, not only to forgive, but also to facilitate repentance and forgiveness. The idea is not to require or demand certain criteria before we forgive, but to do all we can to help the sinner come to repentance and thus to forgiveness.

Forgiveness Helps All

Forgiveness certainly is an act of self-sacrifice, but it is also self-rewarding. It focuses on helping the sinner, but it also helps the one who forgives.

Forgiving, frees us of the resentment that has made havoc of our emotions and spirits. Bad feelings are resolved. Often, forgiveness can lead to restoration of damaged friendships and the creation of stronger relationships.

We need each other, whether family, friends, or brethren. When sin damages any of these relationships, it hurts us and degrades our lives. When that damage is remedied, we all improve.

---

Brother Blackaby discusses a subject that often touches many brethren's nerves. Nothing is more destructive to the Lord's church than feuding and fighting among brethren--brethren whom God has called upon to love one another (John 13:34,35; 1 John 4:19-21). How is it that brethren who wish to go to heaven, where they will be together forever, can't seem to get along here on earth? If we can't get along here, one or both of us will not make it to heaven to continue the feud there!

Many brethren are more concerned about the "procedures involved in forgiving" than with actually developing "forgiving spirits." Does it really matter who makes the first move? Do we truly understand what is at stake when we have these kinds of problems? It's not a matter of who is right or wrong or who makes the first move. The real concern is restoring a brother or sister to a proper relationship with God and his/her brethren. An eternal issue should never take a back seat to ensuring that a brother is "put in his place." Does God treat us in this manner? Let us develop loving and forgiving spirits, and the next steps will take care of themselves. (KMG)